I am interested in hearing from you all how your dog is asking questions.
Is your dog:
You might be wondering how and why dogs ask questions. That is a very good question. I will give you some answers here.
When I first started with Dog Listening, I started by just ignoring my dog. He knew that I did not like him to take my socks from the laundry hamper. He sat down in front of me with a sock, staring at me. He sat there and stared for an hour. Suddenly I saw from the corner of my eye, that he started to blink slowly, he had trouble keeping his eyelids open. After that he started to nod, falling a sleep, dropping his head and wake up because he had dropped his head. When he had done this for a little while, he left me with the sock and went into the bedroom, hopped up in bed and lied down with a very loud sigh of relief. He had asked the first question that I answered appropriately. As a result he was calm and relaxed for the first time since we got him. He realised that he did not have the responsibility for my safety anymore.
Other ways that dogs are asking questions, or testing could be for example:
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| This is Tora when she grew up. |
When our dogs ask these questions it is important that we give them the right answer. However, first we need to understand what the dogs are doing. A question by a dog can in many people's eyes look like poor behaviour. However, this poor behaviour is very important to the dog. This is the way they are asking questions about where they fit in and who is the leader in the pack.
If we answer in a way that the dog can comprehend and understand, we will have a harmonious relationship with our dog. The answer is going to be different, depending on what the question is. In most cases, if not in all, our response should be that we are ignoring the dog. As soon as we react to something they do, we have told them that they are our leaders and that they have all the responsibility for the safety and welfare of the pack.
If we look around us, we see that not much around us where most of us live is not natural and very hard for our dogs to comprehend. They cannot pay rent and go shopping for food. It is absolutely impossible for them. This why we, the two legged ones have to take the full responsibility of the pack. We do that when we give our dogs the right answer and they as a result elect us leaders.
I was looking for a playmate to Tov. I found a little Bull Arab cross, who I named Tora. When she came to me she was 10 weeks old and she had been an orphan for 5 weeks already, due to the council here. They killed her mother because of a human error. I was not impressed with them at all.
Tora was very sick when she came to me. She had ticks, lies, fleece and a belly full of worms. I took her to the vet the day after I got her and they gave her medication to get rid of all the parasites she had. As she had never been indoors, but spent her first 10 weeks in a small cage outside, with human contact only during feeding times 3 times a day, she was very dirty when she came.
Due to that Tora only had had her mother for 5 weeks, she had not received the education she would normally have gotten from her mother. This resulted in her not having any manners at all. I was lucky that I had been studying so much about puppies already then, so I knew how to be a surrogate mother and how to teach her using her own language which she was born with.
In the beginning, at 10 weeks, she would Gesture Eat for me. This resulted in her not eating hardly anything the first day. I had to do the Gesture Eating process 4 times with about an hour in between, before she ate her whole meal. After that I have not had any problems with her not wanting to eat. The tricky part was to give her the right amount, so she could keep it all and grow healthy. Now, I have succeeded, she does not look like a ribcage on legs anymore, she looks like a well fed, healthy dog. Her fur is shiny now. It was very matte when she came and she stank. Now, she smells like roses, which is her natural smell, coming from her.
This is Tora the first evening she was with me. She was very scared of everything. She is still scared of certain objects like paper and the broom. She is scared of the wind, but not of the thunder. She can walk out in the middle of a severe thunderstorm, making me very worried about her safety. Now, i close the door during thunderstorms, so my dogs do not wonder out. I do not want them to be electrocuted.
After everything had settled, Tov could be let out from the room and start exploring his new surrounding inside the house. He went from room to room, sniffing wagging his tail in excitement. Did you know that a wagging tail only means that the adrenaline levels in the dog is elevated. Have you ever seen a dog attacking and biting aggressively with a wagging tail? It is a myth that a wagging tail only means happiness. The adrenaline levels could be elevated because of happiness. A dog who is aggressive and is wagging its tail is not giving mixed messages.
I had a very low fence in the backyard, so Tov had to be on a long leash when ever we were outside in the backyard. When we went for walks, he was on his normal leash of course.
It takes a dog about 48 hours to get used to its new surroundings. If there are additional people or dogs coming into the pack, or perhaps some individuals are leaving, it will take the dog about two weeks to figure out where it fits in, what place it has in the pack. This was the reason Tov asked me a lot of questions the first two weeks after we had moved, as I then had moved away from a family I temporarily lived with. Dogs have to ask to make sure that the right individual is still the leader in the pack, or if they have to take over the leadership in order to keep the pack safe. Our job as humans is then to give the dogs the right information the whole time. Remember that a dog will keep asking questions throughout its life. The reason is that in the dog's mind it is a matter of life and death that the strongest, fittest, most intelligent and most experienced individual has the leadership.
When someone is moving away from us, we could have emotions regarding the change, however, the answer we give our dogs should be the same: Do not worry, I have got this, you can still trust me with your life. Remember that the leader is the one with the most responsibilities, they have to be able to keep the pack safe, well fed, happy, and they are also the only ones that are allowed to breed, even though they can allow other pack members to breed too, but then it is all on their terms. This is how you can be a breeder, and still do Dog Listening.
Tov became terrified ones when he saw his own picture in a mirror. He barked for 30 minutes. If I had known Dog Listening then, I would have been able to make those 30 minutes much shorter.
Tov would also bark as soon as someone was walking past outside the house as well. He did this because he saw it as a problem, and he needed to warn me about it. Tony told me to thank Tov, which I did, and Tov reacted very well to this. There are two more steps to this, that you can read about in my book which you can find on Amazon, or you can go to my first page and get it there against a donation.
Sometimes Tov barked when we were outside on walks too. it is good to thank the dog then, and try to avoid situations where the dog barks, I learned. Off lead parks are not good to go to, as you do not know how the other dogs are going to behave, however, you can walk close to those places to get your dog used to other dogs. You can walk outside of school yards, to get your dog used to children too. Just make sure you and your dog are safe at all times. It is important to let people know that it is not okay that they just walk up to your dog to pet it. That could give the dog the wrong signals. If someone asks, you can say that you are in training. You do not have to tell them that you are training them not to walk up to dogs. They will learn this anyway. If you want to know more, please feel free to ask.
Before I started Dog Listening, I did not know at all how to discipline any dog. My husband sometimes hit my dog and ones he kicked him out of our bed, so he screamed. These are horrible memories. My husband told me to hit Tov, but I never managed to do it. I have learned that if we are not nice to our dogs, they will not be nice back. Hitting, screaming and yelling or worse do not help at all, however, it can make things a lot worse.
If we are not nice to our dogs, but treat them disrespectfully, they will treat us the same way because they will lose trust in us. In the wild a mean leader is often killed by its pack, however, that leader has to be mean for a long time before the pack decide to do something about it. This can happen to us also. We sometimes hear about it in the news, unfortunately. We then only get one side of the story, we never find out what the dog went through, probably for a long time before the incident.
When I started with Dog Listening, I found the perfect way to discipline any dog. I isolated Tov from myself. As he had separation anxiety, the Time Out became only 5 seconds long. If that did not help, I did it again, but slightly longer. Now, if I have to discipline him, it is often enough with about 15 seconds. I think most dogs need to be isolated for a minute or two to get the message.
I write more about this in my book, that you can find on my first page.
As soon as it was time to go for a walk, Tov was all over the place with worry. He was jumping up and down and all around. This behaviour could be seen as just excitement about going out, being really eager to finally be allowed to go for a walk. I know now that it was sheer worry that made him behave like this. I put the lead on him and opened the door. He was the first one out of the house. After this he was pulling in all directions at the same time, it felt like. He was also jumping all over me, biting me on my arms and ones also on my neck. He was very difficult to walk. Tony showed me how to walk him, he also advised me not to go far from home, in order to make Tov more calm. I followed his instructions and I slowly learned how to be able to walk him in a good way without ever jerking on the lead. If someone would be jerking it would be Tov, not me. Tony said that we can see the walk as a journey, not as a destination. It is better to go for a short walk and be happy and in control, where we are both happy, but you are in control and not your dog.
Now I can walk Tov in a very good way, without having any of the problems I had before. I even practice indoors, both on and off leash.
Walks with your dog is also a way to exercise your dog, however, that exercise can be done indoors. Just play with your dog until it starts panting. Job done.
Before I started my education with Tony, I went to the dog park every day, as I thought Tov had to get a lot of exercise. I even walked him 5 times a day, to try to make him calm down. Nothing worked. The only thing that happened was that Tov was in great shape, but not at all calm anyway, in fact he had a lot more energy to use on playing up.
In the park he had very good recall, but the only problem he had was that he did not stop in time. He ran into my legs or jumped up and put his paws in my chest. I had blue legs and I even got an inflammation in the cartilage between my breast bone and my ribs as a result of him hitting me so hard when he came to me, after I had asked him.
All this behaviour stopped when I had learned Dog Listening well enough to get my message across to him. I had started to really learn the language of dogs, and I noticed more and more how Tov understood me more and more, the more I concentrated on doing the right thing by him.
Dog Listening never stops to amaze me, how well it works.
In the beginning Tov was very difficult to handle on walks. He was jumping all over me and he bit me. Once he even jumped up and bit me in my neck. I learned a way to calm him down and to make him stop jumping and biting. It is a very calm way without using any force or harsh words, no jerking on the lead, just calmly leading him to where we were supposed to go.
Just a few minutes of this was enough to make Tov very calm again. Another important thing that I learned was that I do not have to walk my dog at all. I only need to make sure he has the opportunity to go to the toilet. Dogs can get all the exercise they need indoors, even in a small apartment. Tony told me about a married couple who had a 80kg Grate Dane in a one bedroom apartment. When they learned Dog Listening, they had no problems at all living like this.
As Tov found more and more reason to elect me his leader, he calmed down more and more and started to trust me more and more. My goal was to make him by his own free will elect me his leader and trust me with his life. The more I learned and the more I implemented the knowledge I gained from Tony, the better things went.
Especially after my husband's passing, Tov got a very bad separation anxiety. If I went to the bathroom and closed the door for 7 seconds, he threw himself on the door in order to reunite with me. When I was going to go out by myself in order to buy food for example, Tov would hold me with his paws, trying to pull me back into our home again. That how worried he was. That also showed me that he thought that he was the leader with all the responsibility for my safety.
Tony showed me a technique that helped Tov overcome his separation anxiety. I practiced this often, and soon I could go shopping without any problems.
During the time when I was practising this, I noticed that Tov reacted if I was closer to home than 50 metres. It was like he knew that I was there without him being able to actually see me. Tony said that Jan, his mother, had been part of research into dogs that know when their owners are going to come home, before they arrive. There are incredible stories about how much dogs can perceive, something that I do not think mainstream science have a good explanation to yet, at least not as far as I know.
The reason this was a problem for me and Tov was that I had given Tov the job as a pack leader, without me knowing or understanding how it happened. When I had practiced Dog Listening and implemented all four areas, Tov became much calmer all together. I have written about all four areas in my book that I can send you against a donation. Please also let me know what the donation is for so I know to send you the book to your email address too. If you go to my first page, you find links there also.
I understand why he was so worried. He had seen my husband disappear from the pack. As he did not see him die, I could not tell him what happened. I had without knowing it given Tov the job of being the pack leader. With Dog Listening I was changing this bit by bit. I had started to behave in a way that would make him by his own free will elect me his pack leader.
The reason he was so worried was that in his mind he had the responsibility for my well fare. He had already lost one pack member (my husband) and he saw him braking down very quickly by his illness and there was nothing he could do. Now I was taking this responsibility away from him, bit by bit, area by area. He started to become more and more calm. I still see a progress in his behaviour, he becomes more and more calm. The reason for this is that I am behaving in a way that makes him be able to trust me with his life. I show him that I am the most intelligent, the most experienced, the fittest, the strongest member of this pack. I show him this by just following the rules of Dog Listening keeping very calm. I do not use violence or force or even raise my voice to him, but I calmly just show him that he can trust me with his life.
The reason this works is that we have our language, but dogs have a different language. The more I learn about their language, the better our communication becomes and the more we understand each other. It is easier for me to learn his language than for him to learn my language as I am more intelligent and experienced than he is.
This language is what I want to help others learning. I have explained about how I can help you on my first page.
I had read Tony's first book "Think Like A Dog". I learned a lot from that book. This was a big advantage to me when he came home to me, as I then already knew a little bit. He went through the four areas of Dog Listening and I learned even more as he taught me. Some parts he had to show me more than ones. He was very patient with me. After he left, I started to change my habits, little by little, one area at a time. It was a long process before I had all areas in place. I remember that when I started with the first area of my choice, Tov reacted positively within one hour of trying. It was amazing to see the transformation in my otherwise so nervous dog. For the first time, he went into the bedroom, climbed the bed and lied down with a very loud sigh of relief. All this time I had Tony helping me through every stage until I had it right.
Till this day, I notice that my dogs are improving their behaviour because I give the right answer to every question they ask.
There were new situations coming up when I had to ask Tony how I should do things. For example when Tov and I moved, things to think about regarding this. I was very happy that all Dog Listeners give lifetime support, which meant that I had Tony's support up until just recently.
When you first find out what to do and how to answer your dog's questions, it can take time to get things right. As long as you see an improvement in your dog's behaviour, you are on the right path. It is important to be patient with yourself.
If you would like to have my help in any of this, I am happy to help. Please refer back to my first page of this blog.
My otherwise so nervous Doberman after the consultation with Tony and after I had a bit of practice on Dog Listening. Perfect!
It was May 2017. My husband and I went to look at puppies. We both knew that he only had a short time left to live, due to his very aggressive cancer. He did not want to leave me completely alone, so he had decided that we should get a dog. He had previously fallen in love with the Doberman breed at a dog show. We both knew that this was going to be his last dog, so it had to be a Doberman.
We had decided that we wanted a female. However, when we came to the dog breeder, the only female they had was very shy and wanted nothing to do with us. However, one of the males had come through the door too. As I was on the floor trying to get in contact with the female, this male dog came up to me and licked my whole face. He had kind of chosen me, so we chose him too.
We named him Tov, as Tov means good. I wanted him to become a good dog.
We immediately started obedience training in a club. Tov was 5 months old already when we got him. He was very wild at the training, running around in circles around me, almost peeing on other owners, carrying on. Despite all this, on his first obedience competition, he won second price after one of the trainer's dogs, who was also competing in Tov's class.
During this time, my husband became more and more sick, was bed bound most of the time and only went outside when it was time to go to the hospital. One day, we had left Tov with very kind friends, who looked after him when we went to the hospital. While we were at the hospital, my husband suffered a cardiac arrest and passed away, right in front of me. My life shattered completely. Everything stopped. This happened April 11 2018, in early afternoon.
I had mourned my husband for 6 months when my mother passed away, and my already shattered life became more shattered. This was when I decided to try to do something about my life, instead of just wasting away in grief. I had already heard about Jan Fennell and her work. I had also read her first book, The Dog Listener. I decided to try to find a Dog Listener close to where I was living. I found her son Tony Knight, who had been working as a Dog Listener for a very long time already then.
